LETTERS 

He had always made room for studying the system or, at least, knowing those who did a good job of it. He was impressed with the indelible facts of the age he lived in. For one, the oft cited 'interdependence of the globe.' The world as community! Ah world, he thought, were you to develop forms of trust, forms of comprehending worth the pursuit! He had dismissed current forms of understanding as devilish or, at least, leading into the hands of devils. Isn't it more elegant to comprehend and express oneself?

Hegel, Aristotle, Marx, Plato. He read them all hoping that they would describe categories that ran through his mind. 'Bring the facticity into focus!' Where is technology? Where is the teleology? Who is describing destiny? He began to realize the thinkers of the present day were making a foolish mistake of directing their attention on the obvious. Contradict the obvious dear thinkers and let my spirit live! He chanted this with the Buddhist monk who pounded his tambourine down Telegraph Avenue when the sky was open and dark blue; nearly a mind with its layers of distinction.

He had been involved in a sticky private matter and wanted as little to do with it as possible. He wanted justice to win out but the idea of lawyers as weapons of justice gave him a headache. He was beginning to tire of the small-time, small town fellow striving for success and weaving a spell around women of the provinces. What disturbed him the most was that he could not concentrate on the story with the personal situations he was involved with. He could take family, loneliness, society, past, present, future, experience and the rest as long as he had quiet and an undisturbed mind not continually brutalized by the reality of other people.

He always sketched out abstract patterns that were playing through him as though a spy were tracking him down and he had to discover the best ways to escape detection.

Growing mind----------------facticity of world--------intellectual impotence

Impotent of intellect made into a kind of personality--------------resolved into habits and constrictions. Ah, that was it. The damn world resists the categories of mind but not of will. The obligations of the world defeat the desires of the spirit everytime.

He seemingly had these thoughts just at the start of Sunday mornings where, from sheer habit, he would watch football games. There was pleasure and infantile emotions that he identified as twelve or thirteen years old. What amazed him more than anything was the amount of capital and energy strained through the emotions of the twelve and thirteen year olds. All of the anticipation for the release of the infantilism. And more than that were the memories the fabled stadiums that made up the center of the myth of sport. He had been in them and felt the thrill of crowds pouring through him like hot winds in the desert. There was undeniable power in the crowds and their releases through late autumn afternoons.